The Occasional Rant – The “Friend-Zone” – 28 April 2012

28 Apr

The Friend-Zone. It’s that dark place we go when someone that we desire has the gall to say that they “just want to be friends”. Or even worse, you have never told this person how you feel and they have the nerve not to be a mind reader. 

Bullshit, right?

Recently, I’ve read this article – http://dukegroups.duke.edu/develledish/2012/the-good-guy-myth/ and it has me thinking about this whole friend-zone issue, and I feel the need to go on a rant of my own about this. 

When I was younger, I would watch TV shows and movies in which male characters somehow end up being friends with their love interests and we have to watch in pain as our poor male protagonists lose to some jock or a guy who owns a motorcyle. I would always feel bad for the guy and say things along the lines of “Why doesn’t she love him? He’s so sweet!” 

And of course, that kind of thinking lead to me dating guys just because they were “oh so sweet” to me. Like my first boyfriend. He let me borrow his Assassin’s Creed games – which I am still soooo glad he did, because I feel in love with the series. He was kind to my mom and little brother and did all of the typical nice guy things. I wasn’t attracted to him, I was attracted to his best friend. But he was so darn nice to me , I accepted his offer when he asked me to be his girlfriend. Another guy that I sort’ve had a thing with was, once again, someone that I was not particularly attracted to. But he was cute enough, he was tall, and he liked me. He was nice to me and was always there for me. So I tried to force attraction this kid, lied to myself until I actually believed that I had feelings for him, and once that happened – he crushed me. 

The point I’m trying to get at is that it is never good to force yourself to be with someone that you don’t like just because they are nice to you. This isn’t an issue of attraction, either. I didn’t really have a compatible personality with any of these boys at all. And I’m not saying that you shouldn’t give guys that show interest a chance, it’s more of a warning about feeling trapped with someone just because they were nice to you.

I’ve also been in the friend-zone, usually self-inflicted because I am always too nervous to ask people out. And yes, I’ve felt it hard to talk guys that I like through their relationship troubles. And I’ve had that guy friend that I felt like it hurt having him come over to my house just to play video games or to have him sit next to me without being able to hold his hand. The fact of the matter is, I got over it. It might feel like it hurts, but you have only two options – keep this person around and letting a potentially beautiful friendship bloom from it or saving yourself the potential pain of being around this person that you can’t be with. He or she may eventually decide that they do like you back, but you have no right to try to pester someone into dating you. 

Relationships are unpredictable and finding the right person can take some time! So chill, money!

– P.S., share your opinions on the dreaded friend-zone in the comments, loves!

Kai xxx

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