Tag Archives: movies

My Thoughts On – Bachelorette. 14 September 2012

14 Sep

[Here, there be (possible) spoilers!]

Okay, so I don’t usually do movie reviews on this blog, but I think it’s a good idea for me to start reviewing every movie I see for the first time. Because…why not?

And I am going to start with a movie that I decided to check out on a whim a few days ago – Bridesmaids. What? Oh, sorry, I meant Bachelorette. Alright, that joke was stupid. This movie is nothing like Bridesmaids. You expect it to be the same movie. I mean, they both have girls and bridesmaids and pre-wedding shenanigans. But I would say that it’s 2 parts Bridesmaids, 3 parts Mean Girls, and 5 parts The Hangover.

I’m just going to provide this disclaimer – I hate romantic comedies, or romantic movies in general. Knowing nothing about this movie going into it – aside from the title and most of the cast – I mentally prepared myself for an hour and a half of eye-rolling, “oh please”s, and maybe a few snickers in between.

In the first scene of the movie, Kristen Dunst’s Reagan is having lunch with her friend, Becky (played by Rebel Wilson). Becky has to frequently interrupt Reagan’s self-assuring rant to break the news that her boyfriend has proposed to her, prompting Reagan to form a grimace-like smile and utter through gritted teeth – “I’m so happy for you”. In that moment, I could tell that the movie was going to take a dark path. In these first five minutes of the film, it is clear what was going on here – Reagan, a blonde who is pretty and successful, is jealous – even furious – that her fatter friend who is not as traditionally attractive is going to be married before her. Reagan, the queen bee of her friend group has finally been beaten at something and she doe not like it one bit. I didn’t know how to react because to be honest…I have been there. And I was able to sympathize. And that was something that I definitely didn’t like.

The next main character, Gena (Lizzy Caplan) is introduced in bed with a hook-up from a night of shenanigans. She has smudged mascara and eyeliner all over her eyes, wakes up to a morning cigarette, and has disheveled black hair. Once she puts on one of the guy’s shirts and realizes that he is a Jack Johnson fan, Gena screams an obscenity at the realization that the guy she hooked up with is a loser. I could see a lot more of myself than I would like in Gena, the “slut” with a fuck-you attitude. 

And to round-out this trio is Katie (Isla Fisher). Katie is a gorgeous airhead who works and retail and “doesn’t understand what anyone is saying to her”. She is overly-cutesy and naive – aka that friend I have but don’t really like to well. A theme that is in the movie that I don’t understand, but I get. I have friends that annoy the shit out of me on a daily basis, I sometimes think that I am above them, but when it comes down to it – I would fight tooth and nail for them (kind of like Reagan in this movie).

And of course, all of the women have male counterparts that don’t exactly fit the traditional romantic interest roles.

For starters, there is Reagan’s counterpart, Trevor (played by the ultra-dreamy will forever be known as Cyclops in my eyes, James Marsden). Trevor is the asshole guy and basically every guy I have ever hooked up with, ever. He encourages his friends to take advantage of drunk girls and (mutually) uses Reagan for sex. His pursuit of Reagan is in no way romantic or swoon-worthy. He mentions to his guy friends that he would like to “smell that red snapper” in reference to Katie. When it is revealed that another of the guys has interest in Katie, he just shrugs and says “Well, what about the Maid of Honor? I’ll take her down.” After hearing numerous conversations between my guy friends and things that the guys I have hooked up with said to me, I realize this behavior is true of every freaking guy I know. I don’t hate Trevor, because like I have done, Reagan uses him to relieve some frustrations. And it’s over.

Gena’s male counterpart is Clyde (played by the very sexy Adam Scott). This Pac-Man villain named character is Gena’s high school boyfriend, who got her pregnant when she was fifteen (or sixteen) and he was eighteen. He never showed up to take her to her abortion appointment and she holds a grudge against him and the wedding is their first time seeing each other since “that thing”, as Gena puts it. 

And finally, airhead-Katie’s male counterpart is Joe (Kyle Bornheimer). Joe is an adorable tech-geek whose high-school crush on Katie lasts even after he talks to her and realizes that she isn’t very bright. He never wants to take advantage of her and wants to make her a better person, while she can’t even remember his name throughout the film’s events.

All of this is tied together with a wacky plots about fixing a ripped wedding dress. And there are some sappy, typical rom-com moments – Adam Scott’s mixtapes and singing, James Marsden’s “You want somebody to put you in your place” line, and Kyle Bornheimer’s “I didn’t want it to happen like this…do you even care that it’s with me” moment. And there are moments in this film that made me laugh, cry, and most importantly – want to re-evaluate my life. This movie is a weird one to try and describe and all I can say is – just watch it! 

I give it 3.5 out of 5 stars. 



Whateva, I Do What I Want – 05 Aug 2012

5 Aug

Hey Lovelies!

Okay, this is not about to be some angsty teen rebellion post. Rather, I just have something I want to get off of my chest. *Deep breath* Alright, here it goes – I don’t care what the critics say, I am going to watch Total Recall and I am going to enjoy myself!

The remake of the unarguably badass Schwarzenegger classic of the same name (that’s right, I called Total Recall a classic) had some tough competition. It did, after all, come out in a summer movie season that included Marvel’s The Avengers (fuck yessssssssss! Yes! Go Marvel! Go Marvel!), The Amazing Spider-Man, and The Dark Angst Knight Rises. I mean, how is anyone supposed to compete with Baman, Piderman, and the Avengers? Too much. Not to mention, The Bourne Legacy will be released next week – and that looks like it’s going to be a good one. All of this on top of the fact that it’s a trend now-a-days to rag on remakes.  There’s a group of action film and sci-fi fans who went in to this movie already “knowing” that the Collin Farrell portrayal would not stack up to Arnold’s (and an even smaller group who went in to both films “knowing” that nothing would be able to compare to the Philip K. Dick novel on which both films are based). The odds were definitely stacked up against Total Recall being a well-loved and well-reviewed film.

To get to the point, I have a very small hunch that critics tend to disagree with me when it comes to action films in general. Action has never been a genre of film that has been considered “high art” and is often sneered at for featuring nothing but oiled-up dudes, boobs, and ‘splosions. I don’t know, sometimes you want to watch something that is enlightening and makes you laugh, cry, and adopt a puppy. But sometimes, a mindless barrage of explosions, tits, and hot guys is all I want out of life.  Just remember…no more than three tits on one girl, then it’s just weird. I digress, some of my favorite action films of all time have been poorly reviewed. In the middle of writing this blog post, I’m going to look at the Rotten Tomatoes pages of five of my favorite action films – Judge Dredd, Bloodsport, The Expendables, Mortal Kombat, and of course the original Total Recall. I really hope these films weren’t well reviewed, since it will hurt the case I’m trying to make here… Also, I promise that it’s a coincidence that the stars of all but one of the above mentioned films are going to be in The Expendables 2. Actually, a character from Mortal Kombat is based on Jean-Claude Van Damme…

1. Judge Dredd (1995)

  • RT rating – 15%…Don’t worry, babe, I still love you. You are the law.
  • Harshest critique – Mike LaSalle of the San Francisco Chronicle says “Usually engaging and sympathetic, Stallone is blank and tongue-tied here, an immovable slab in the midst of 95 minutes of gunfire, explosions and Gothic excess.”

2. Bloodsport (1986)

  • RT rating – 33% …Oh.
  • Harshest critique – TV Guide’s movie guide stated “Strictly a film for martial arts buffs; little is offered here in the way of plot, dialogue, or acting.”

3. The Expendables (2010)

  • RT rating – 40%
  • Harshest critique – Peter Travers of Rolling Stone says “It’s not the age of the actors that makes Expendables expendable. It’s the stale storytelling. “

4. Mortal Kombat (1995)

  • RT rating – 34% 1% higher than Bloodsport, the movie it drew inspiration from.
  • Harshest critique – Sean Means of film.com says (and this is a gem) “The movie that most nearly approximates a video game: lots of action, no plot, eye-catching computer effects, and a dollop of violence.” What games is this guy playing that have zero plot? Hell, I’d say the Mortal Kombat games have too much plot. I mean that as a compliment, by the way…

5. Total Recall (1990)

  • RT rating – 84% Wow. Wasn’t expecting the critics to actually be…right. Maybe it’s because this isn’t a *traditional* action film
  • Harshest critique – Rita Kempley of the Washington Post says “A gratuitous explosion of vainglory and guts, the movie is all firecrackers and giblets and broken glass. The overall effect is like wading through hospital waste.”

The point of all that is, while there are some action movies that critics love (Total Recall, Lethal Weapon, Die Hard), a lot of my favorite action films have been universally hated by critics. And Total Recall is the type of film that should have a good plot, dialogue, and acting…I will probably enjoy the movie even if those things are not present. The critics’ words have no affect on the way I view the movie, and I am still excited to see it!

– I’ve got a Kumite to attend, talk to ya later.

xxx Kai

Random Musings – 18 June 2012

18 Jun

Alright, I didn’t know what to write about for today’s blog post…but luckily…I just came across this article…


According to this article, the new Mortal Kombat film may feature a main character that works in a supermarket and later discovers that he has special abilities? Um…excuse me, but how could that possibly work? Let’s break this down. The humans in Mortal Kombat – specifically the earlier games, because let’s be real, Kobra isn’t going to be the main character here – are Liu Kang, Kung Lao, Sonya, Johnny Cage, Jax, Sub-Zero, Kano, and Stryker. Kano is evil, so he’s out. Sonya, Stryker, and Jax don’t really have superpowers, so they’re out. Okay, let’s face it…the main character is going to be Liu Kang. They at least have to keep that part correct.

And who even knows what the plot could be? Will Raiden be the manager of this supermarket? Is Shao Kahn going to be the owner of a large commercial chain that wants to buy out Raiden’s more homey supermarket to become the ruler of the realms…er…supermarket world? And more importantly, is Johnny Cage a paper or a plastic guy? 

The fact of the matter is, the thing I’ve always loved about Mortal Kombat is that it is significantly darker than most fighting games. There can still be corniness in the games and it still – at least in the beginning – follows the well known tournament format, but at times the story could be a little more b-horror flick than action movie. Half-dragons, over the top gore, centaurs, vampires, soul-stealers, acid-spitting lizards, and men forced to become more machine than human. All of that lost in the supermarket. It almost brings a tear to my eye, but Warner Bros…you had better make it work!

– Sorry for the rant, guys!

Kai xxx